Toilet Training Tips and Tricks
So you’ve decided you’re done changing diapers, congratulations! Now what? Whether you’re beginning the toilet training process for the first time or the fourth time can be a terrifying and daunting task. The topics and tips in this post can help to point you in the right direction, give you the support you need and give you the confidence to know that your child will not attend their first day of high school wearing diapers. You got this.
A little background on my special relationship with toileting: when faced with the task of coming up with a Masters’ thesis topic I had no idea what I was going to do but one of my clients was about to begin the toilet training process and I decided to do some research on the topic. There hadn’t been a ton of recent research on toilet training children with developmental disabilities but there was one great study by Rachel S Tarbox et. al. that evaluated the effect extended diaper wearing had on continence. I decided to replicate that study and thus began my ongoing crusade to get all children out of diapers. I have personally toilet trained dozens of children, one of them even my own! As I look to my own future and a son who will be ready to start this process soon, I thought it might be a good idea to get some of my thoughts out there to help others win the battle over the diaper. The strategies discussed below have proved to be effective in children with and without developmental disabilities so please read on!
Is my child ready? If I had a crystal ball I’d be able to tell you and I’d have millions of dollars, but I don’t, so here are a few things to think about when trying to determine if your child is ready to be toilet trained. I don’t like to begin the process before 18 months. There are some important muscles that need to be fully developed before a child can hold their urine for a reasonable amount of time, starting before that happens just leads to more accidents and more frustration for everyone. On the other side of that coin if your child is beyond 4 it’s time to make toileting a priority.
Developmental age is also a factor in children with developmental disabilities. A “mental age” below 2 years may not be the best candidate. Your child should also be able to complete some dressing activities, most importantly the ability to pull their own pants and underwear down. Now, ask yourself these questions:
Does my child notice when they are wet or soiled?
Do they have a desire to remove soiled clothing?
Does my child have an interest in bathroom activities?
Do they have an awareness in others toileting activities?
Can my child remain dry for an hour at a time?
If you can answer yes to the majority of these questions (yes to all is not necessary), let’s go!
How long is this going to take?
A typical child takes an average of 5.3 months to become completely toilet trained (and 24.6 months for a child with autism spectrum disorder) so don’t expect miracles to happen overnight.
Should I buy pull-ups with their favorite TV character on them?
No! But please feel free to buy underwear that is super fancy and fun and is covered with Disney princesses or trucks. This is the most difficult piece of advice I have for parents to follow. When you decide to start toilet training it’s time to say goodbye to diapers and/or pull ups. Studies have shown (cough, including my own, cough) that underwear is ideal. The icky feeling of wet underwear teaches a new sensory cue, (ew I don’t like this feeling, how do I not experience this feeling again) and toilet training in a pull-up sends mixed messages. It used to be ok to pee in my pull-up, and now it’s not? What the heck?
My final soapbox point about pull-ups is that they work too well. They are so good at wicking away moisture that many times a child may not even realize they have wet themselves. Yes this means more cleanup for you but it also yields a much quicker result.
Ok I get it, it’s gross and you have a couch you don’t want to have to throw away at the end of this. IF YOU MUST: put on some underwear and then a diaper or pull-up over that, this way they still experience the wet icky-ness (technical term) and you have less of a mess to clean up.
Develop a toileting schedule.
Make toilet training a priority for 3-4 days (hey, summer break is coming up! Oh and a long weekend too…no excuses!) Develop a toileting routine that includes going to the bathroom after meals, before bed, after waking, etc. You know your child and their habits. This routine should also include all of the activities surrounding toileting. Help your child remove their own clothing and climb up on the toilet as independently as possible, and always wash hands after, reinforcing the fact that this is a step that cannot be skipped.
Keep fluid consumption consistent
Some people like to flood the child with fluids to increase the amount they need to pee. I found that this not only increases successes, but increases accidents and frustration for everyone, so there’s no need to do anything different in that respect.
SET A TIMER
Little ones can typically hold their bladders for an hour. The first few days I recommend going to the bathroom every 30 minutes. If they go, throw a party, make it rain M&M’s and re-set the timer for another 30 minutes. If they don’t, come back to the toilet and try again every 5 minutes until they go.
Take data
It really does help to see how the child is progressing or recognize patterns to identify what isn’t working. I print out this chart for all of my parents, and yes, I used it when we first started with my daughter:
Visuals are also super useful, I post this one in the bathroom to help break the task down into individual steps:
When an accident occurs (and it will, a lot), take your child to the restroom and have them go through the entire toileting routine, this helps to reinforce that the feeling of a full bladder means they need to run to this room and do this thing.
A note on reinforcement and punishment. In the toilet training process punishment should never be used, we want to make this a positive experience and leave fear and frustration out of it. Accidents should be met with an “oh well! Let’s clean up and try again!” and successes should be met with a huge dance party and hugs and tons of love and attention. Plan rewards in advance, keep them in the bathroom and take a deep breath, you can do this (both of you!)
Now that your child is rocking this whole potty thing at home, it’s time to leave the house, in underwear. Prepare before leaving by preparing a “survival kit”. Bring a change of clothing for both you and your child (a hard lesson I learned once at Disneyland but got a sweet new sweatshirt out of it). Bring a favorite toy or book that is easily portable (and cleanable, public toilets…) and invest in a travel toileting seat. We had a great one that had a carrying case and folded up so I could carry it in my diaper bag. Lastly, the first thing you should do when arriving at any location is be aware of where the restrooms are, a well prepared mama is a calm mama.
OK so I know I said pull-ups are evil, and that is true, during the day. Naps and nighttime training should not be attempted until your child is reasonably successful during the day and wakes up from naps and overnight dry more than wet. It is helpful to limit fluids in the 2-3 hours before bed, toilet immediately before bed, toilet if they wake at any point during the night, and toilet again immediately upon waking. Overnight toilet training is usually the last piece to fall in to place to be patient!
Lastly I’d like to share a few life-hacks that saved our sanity when we did it. Apart from the travel toilet seat, invest in waterproof crib sheets, and buy at least 4 of them. Cover two of your couch cushions with one and keep one as a backup, and make their bed twice. Put the waterproof cover on, then a crib sheet, then another waterproof cover, and then another crib sheet so at 3 am when they have had an accident you can just rip the two top layers off, clean them up and get back to bed. Make a sticker chart and plan some pretty big reinforcers for when they have gotten 5 or so stickers. Motivation is the name of the game here!
As stated above, your child will not attend their first day of high school in diapers, or with their pacifier, or holding their favorite lovie. Take your time and take a breath, you got this, and I’ve got your back.