Losing Your Marbles? Me Too.

My last post focused on how we can help our kids during this school shut down that we’re currently enduring. This post will focus a bit more on your own self care.

A little insight into my crazy life: I’m a mom. I’m a behavior analyst. I’m a wife, and a business owner. My husband is a doctor, who will probably be quarantined to his office/hospital any day now for who knows how long...BUT THATS NOT THE POINT. 

My oldest is spunky, daring, intelligent, pushes her boundaries, and doesn’t stop talking from the moment her eyes open to the moment her eyes close at the end of the day. My youngest is loving, happy, so, so, smart, so loyal to mommy, non-verbal, and has autism. 

I entered the field of behavior analysis over 15 years ago and never thought that my years of studying and training would ultimately lead me to be Jack’s mom, but here I am, armored up and super annoying to our insurance company (and probably his sweet supervisor who is overseeing his therapy but she would never admit it). 

So here we are. Here is COVID-19, and here comes the collective mental breakdown all moms are driving towards head-first. 

For parents of special-needs kids, we are facing quite the decision. ABA therapy is a medically necessary treatment that requires consistency. That consistency comes with daily visits to a clinic, and/or therapists in your home. Is it worth the risk? Should we stop everything at the detriment of progress? I’m not about to tell you the answer, partly because I don’t know it. We don’t know how long we are going to be in our current situation, or what life will look like in 1, 3, 6 months. Personally we are taking things day by day and I am soaking up any time I can get with my son’s supervisor. I want to know what programs they are running, how they are running them, and how I can continue to run them should his therapy be put on hold. I hope that any parent in the same situation that I am in is capable of the same. Ask questions, request increased parent training hours, and turn yourself into a therapist as much as you can. 

If you can’t... the world won’t end. Regression will happen, but is not permanent. We behavior analysts are here to support your child and your whole family through thick and thin, and we are prepared to work though any regression that happens to get everyone back on track, when we are all back on track. 

Now on to self-care. I wouldn’t classify myself as someone who is anxious but holy moly the last few weeks have awoken the sleeping beast of anxiety in me. While out running errands today I found myself noting a change in my mental state. I was feeling anxious, detached, and emotionally exhausted (for my fellow psych nerds... I am experiencing the symptoms of burnout). It was as if I was so overwhelmed by what is happening that I was losing myself, and my (let’s say, for lack of a better term) peppiness. Noting that I am only on day 4 of this new way of life, I decided to but my big girl pants on and tackle these feelings head on.

The first thing we can do is to realize that we are not alone with these thoughts. Social distancing is so much easier with social media. Even though we may not be able to meet in person, find an online tribe where you can vent and get a virtual hug, or give one to someone else. We all need one right now since in-person hugs are so risky ;)

*shout out to my own online mommy tribe that has been keeping me sane and giving me a safe space to vent, you know who you are, and I know you’re reading this*

Stay up late. It’s past 1am as I write this post because it’s quiet , the kids are asleep, and I have time to think. Don’t be ashamed to press play one more time on that series your are bingeing after the kids are in bed. This is self-care. 

Give yourself grace. I was talking to my husband about how this season is going to make me gain 10 pounds and his response was that an extra 10 pounds is better than yadda yadda yadda super COVID-19 medical reference. The point is, if a Cadbury cream egg (or 2) is going to give you a moment of peace and tranquility as you sip on some wine, I’m not here to judge. (This is exactly what I did tonight). 

Meditate. Download a mediation app and dedicate a certain portion of your day to meditation. If you have young children at home, (let’s be honest, I’ll swear off creme eggs if anyone reading this doesn’t have young children at home... mom you don’t count), apps like Calm and Headspace have guided meditations that are kid-friendly and are so, so helpful in inserting a little bit of calm throughout your day. Don’t be afraid to list this as one of the daily activities linked to their token system!

Lastly, get a weighted blanket. I’m writing this from underneath mine at the moment and it is pretty amazing how a little weight on top of you can make you just relax and calm and get in to a state of zen. At the end of the day. We all need zen. 

We are all in this together and doing an amazing job ensuring that our families and our societies are safe. Keep up the great work and know that we are all here for each other and we will make it through this!